A letter to my boy

Posted by Hannah Smith on

To My Darling Archie, 

Tomorrow you start school. Tomorrow I officially send you out in to the big bad world and hope to hell that I have made you strong enough, kind enough and determined enough to survive the years that lay ahead. I wont sugar coat it, school is a bitch. There will be challenges, there will be bullies and there will be days when you want to pretend you are sick so you can just stay home with mummy. Its not all bad though, I promise. You will learn, things that you can't even comprehend today but after each week you will be a little wiser. I just know you will LOVE it and I look forward to listening to your stories when you come home each day. You will make friends, people who will make you want to go to school, who you will learn to confide in and hopefully, if you are lucky friends who you will go into your adult life with at your side just as I have. I like to call them kindred spirits :) I pray you will be kind, that you will share some of your big heart with your peers, especially the ones who need it the most. Look out for these kids, keep them safe. Be nice to your teacher, I have had days with you and your sister that have left me rocking alone in the dark, I can only imagine what a bad day with a class full of children would feel like. I hope you listen to her, appreciate her and soak up as much knowledge as you can from her. She is the front line of your education, she is preparing you for the battle ahead so she is pretty bloody special. 

Recently we had a tragedy in our city. I cried for the mothers who lost their children and the family that lost their father. I cried because it reminded me how dangerous our world can be and how all the love in the world can't keep people safe. Tonight I am thinking about it again because I am realising that for a big portion of each day I will have to entrust the safety of you, my precious son to strangers. That is terrifying to a mother. I want to be happy for you because I know how eagerly you have awaited this day but I am scared. I will send you out of the house each day and a little part of me won't relax again until you are home. I am scared I wont put enough lunch in your lunchbox or that you will get confused and eat it all at morning tea. Just in case I have packed you two lunch boxes for tomorrow:) I am scared that you will forget to trust me and that you won't talk to me if something is bothering you at school. I promise to try my best to always keep communication lines open between us. I am scared your new school shoes will give you blisters and you won't know who to tell. I am scared we will be late every day because neither of us are good at mornings. I am scared you will miss me, what if it gets to 1pm and you are tired and all you want to do is come home and curl up on the couch with some snacks, a movie and your mum? I know I am going to miss watching super hero movies on repeat with you every day. Maybe more than anything I am scared that you wont need me anymore at all, that you will magically grow up after one day at school and be an independent little man who doesn't need his mummy to cuddle him to sleep. 

I remember bringing you home from the hospital like it was yesterday. You were the most perfect baby I had ever seen, not so cute that I forgot a second of your horrible birth but seriously bloody perfect. I can't even believe how in the blink of an eye you have grown up. I'll accidentally blink again and be sending you off to high school if I am not careful. I accidentally wished away so many days in the last 5.5 years and I feel silly now because I would take them all back tonight if I could. I wanted to write this letter to you tonight so that I can get it all out of my system because tomorrow I am going to smile and be strong as hell for you. I am going to wave goodbye to you with enthusiasm to match yours. I can't promise your sister will be in on this but she is always crying so hopefully it won't phase you too much ;) 

Your uniform is ironed, your socks folded and waiting next to your shoes and your bag packed all ready to go. I've done all I can and now the rest is up to you little man. Go kick some butt. (But don't really kick butts because I don't want to be called in to see the principal on your first day ;) 

Love always 

Mum 

xx

 

 

 

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